perhaps

May 28

3.22.2025 | 12:49am | Saturday | perhaps

OG to Unc

Maybe I’ve been misusing this platform the entire time and if you know, YOU ARE WELL AWARE, Delaware. I think at age 36 it’s finally hitting me. I have to stop lolligagging around and get serious about creating this brand if I want to continue to grow and build a business from the dirt. It’s safe to say for the last 5 years I’ve been experimenting with ideas and action. Rideshare, Candles, Product Design, music creation, song writing, IG TV so many random avenues trying to see if something worked…… clearly not, but at the same time is consistent effort toward the same outcome.

The time I put in trying is all adding experience to the resume. Whether an outside company values that or not is a whole different conversation, but as far as I am concerned, I am continually improving and trying to find ways to make my dreams a reality and every try feels like I’m getting closer and closer to where I’m trying to be although I am not there yet, I’ve learned it would be beneficial to document this for myself in a real, genuine, raw and authentic way.

Learning to be open, honest and vulnerable is always a challenge worth taking on. I’m getting old and knowledge has manifested into random wisdom. Sometimes thoughts come randomly to reach an epiphany, other times its a consistent thought. over and over analyzing different processes, outcomes and trying to find new breakthrough in my everyday life and how I can improve on an idea.

trill

I’m slowly starting to accept that a large part of my own perception of myself is a facade.

Think about it, maybe it’s just me. I have become aware that I am shy, not really the type to get a room hype or strike up conversations with strangers in a room, most likely I’m in my head pondering every situation possible, imagining conversations in my head and also just completely disassociating with everything and existing in this realm of my mind filled with endless wonder.

It is what it is, when I find comfort or connect with the right people I have no problems communicating or expressing my thoughts, sometimes everything is just so surface level that I don’t even bother to entertain the convo.

At times I would like to be more outgoing, I would find many benefits to being able to open up to anyone and share thoughts, ideas, opinions, laughs and whatever comes with random conversations with strangers.

Uber tends to fill this void naturally but rarely ever are they lasting connections. I suppose a pleasant short term experience is better than an awkward forced long term connection.

Sometimes connections are all they need to be, a simple spark to shift the energy to engage people for a moment and leave a lasting impression, sometimes it plants a seed in the mind to germinate over time and the next time phase connects the two they can pick up where they left off, other time it’s a one in a lifetime moment. You never connect, communicate or think of them ever again, but that moment still holds weight in the moment it occurs.

then I get on this philosophical ish talking out of my bum bum

It’s a stream of consciousness. A collection of thoughts over a period of time that I think I reflect on in the moment and then get carried way. Perhaps for the first blog of the new year, I wanted to touch base and let you know, this time we’re going to do it different. Not dwelling, not wishing, not hoping, not manifesting, not trying to win anyone’s heart but my own.

Just telling the hard truths of life as I continue to grow and learn lessons in real time.